Writers and Readers Network -Thompson

An interview with Jennifer Merrill Thompson

Interview conducted by Charlene Austin

Bio:

Jennifer Merrill Thompson is a freelance writer-editor, a former newspaper journalist and a mother who had always wanted a daughter of her own. After two wonderful sons, she learned everything she could about gender selection to try to conceive a little girl for her family. She did her research, and after first trying at-home methods, she next focused on the new MicroSort technology, headquartered near her home in Northern Virginia. She and her husband finally welcomed their daughter in 2002. After her experiences, Thompson decided to start writing about sex selection and let others know that they, too, can chase their "gender dream."

Book blurb:

Chasing the Gender Dream is a detailed guide to gender selection of a child—to choosing "pink" or "blue" in the conception of a baby. The future is here, and this book explains how high-tech sex selection works and what it’s like for the couples who attempt it. The book is written from the perspective of someone who researched all the methods for conceiving a daughter, who tried a few and who ultimately succeeded. It also relates others’ experiences with sex selection—both high-tech and low. If you have any questions about this fascinating new step in reproductive science, Chasing the Gender Dream has all the answers.

Interview:

Char: I have to say I was a little hesitant about this one, after all, I was blessed with three children, girl, boy, girl. But... I enjoyed reading Chasing the Gender Dream. You manage to intrigue and educate, blending intensive research and facts with personal stories that make reading this book a pleasure, as well as a valuable resource for information on the subject. Good job. Will you share with us some of the experiences that lead you to write Chasing the Gender Dream?

Jennifer Merrill Thompson: Thank you, Char. I know this is a controversial topic, and there are people who have problems with this subject, about what’s being done in fertility labs, about what we did. I had one publisher not interested in publishing the book for reasons of "morality." But I kept on trying. To me, gender selection is not immoral, it's not like cloning, and I wanted to get my story out.

My experience was so amazing for me, such a huge thing, such a difference in my life, that I couldn't imagine not sharing it, and not using my writing experience and skills to convey the story. What led me to write Chasing the Gender Dream was finding out, basically through the Internet, that there were women like me all over the world who were hoping for a daughter, who had sons that they loved, wouldn't trade for anything, but yet could not give up the dream of a little girl, someone of their own gender. I used to think I was alone in this feeling, and the few people I told it to could not understand this longing. But on the online message boards I found other people who felt the same as me, women from all walks of life, all countries and education levels. And every week it seemed another one popped up to post her feelings. Some women had boy after boy, and still held out hope for a girl. I don't know, some couples seem to only make one type of baby in some cases. I feel that was our case, with my husband and me. If we hadn't tried gender selection, we just would have had boys. And I adore my boys, but I still really, really wanted a daughter.

When I began to undergo MicroSort (a sperm-sorting technology) and I would write about my experiences online, there was so much interest in this new technology, and lots of people would ask questions, would want to know what I was going through. After I finally got pregnant (after several tries), I would recount my story several times to women who were interested, telling what it was like, what you had to do, how I decided to go through IVF, etc. I then knew there was definitely a market for this kind of story. And I had done so much research over the years, and I had so many people I could interview, that I felt I just had a wealth of information to share. I wrote and published a newspaper article about my experiences, and from there, it evolved into a book. And it’s different from other fertility books in that it’s not written in a medical style by a doctor—the story is told by a writer who had actually gone through it. I thought that would be unique! I wanted to be the first person to write a book about this amazing new science, and how it can change lives, balance families, give parents both boys and girls to raise and to love.

Char: You discuss several home methods and diets in the book. You have also added detailed information on various medical options and procedures. Obviously years of work and study. How much time went into compiling all of this?

Thompson: I guess that about 7 or 8 years of research, on and off, went into the book. I started researching home methods of sex selection after I found out I was pregnant with my first boy. He’s about to turn 8. I read the book How to Choose the Sex of Your Baby, which is the Shettles method, and practiced taking my morning temperature, figuring out my ovulation time, all the stuff Dr. Shettles recommended in his book. I tried all of that for my second child. We thought we’d only have two children and I really wanted the second to be a girl. It didn’t work; I had trouble following all the instructions, and I couldn’t get pregnant. It’s all about timing conception to a certain part of your monthly cycle. Eventually I had another boy. So I continued researching after my second son was born. I learned tons of things that people were trying, such as diet, supplements, douching, the works.

And then I learned about MicroSort. This changed my life. And I just knew it was for me. Something that was scientifically backed, that involved doctors and clinicians who knew what they were talking about, instead of me trying to figure out what my body was doing, and then hoping that it worked. The success rates for conceiving female babies was over 90 percent at the time—if you could get pregnant. That was much better, for me, than the home methods, which weren’t as accurate. I was running out of time. I was 37, this would be my last child, and I wanted it to work. So that’s why we did MicroSort.

However, I know that high-tech is not for everyone. It involves going to a clinic and getting monitored, having your blood drawn, having your husband give his donation, having things done that people might consider invasive without an infertility diagnosis. I also know that not everyone can afford it, or they may have religious or moral qualms against it. For these reasons, and because I had gathered so much information during my years of research, I decided to include the home methods (the "low tech") in my book as well, with the caveat that nothing was guaranteed, of course. I interviewed women who tried various home methods—as well as other high-tech methods besides MicroSort—and I included their stories as well. So that readers can weigh all the options, everything that is out there on this topic— whether it’s a myth, an opinion, or a medically backed fact—and they can decide from there what, if anything, they’d like to do to sway the odds a bit for their family. I want to help other women (or men) out there who feel today like I felt a few years ago. It’s hard to give up a dream.

Char: You and Chasing the Gender Dream are receiving attention and recognition. How is this busy schedule fitting into your writing and home life?

Thompson: Things have certainly been hectic, but in a good way. Before I did the book, I was working in a home-based writing and editing business. That work has certainly slowed down, as I’ve worked more on writing, publishing and promoting the book. It’s been exciting doing TV, radio and newspaper stories; I’ve had some good media attention in the past few months. There definitely is a lot interest in this topic, and my book came out at just the right time.

As for my home life, I still try to spend just as much time with my children as I did before. The three kids (2, 5, and almost 8) are certainly a major priority, and I’ve given up other activities so that I have time to be with them and also promote the book. It’s always a balancing act, but I keep trying to make it work! And my husband is great; he takes up any slack around the house if it’s needed.

I’m also gathering information for a second edition of the book, because the news keeps changing and I’m continually learning about new aspects of gender selection. I keep packing away info, links, quotes, etc. into files on my computer. So I’m always busy!

Char: What resources have you found most helpful in promoting your work?

Thompson: I love the Internet. It’s been great. I didn’t have much of an advertising/promotional budget at all, so I couldn’t afford to do much to promote the book. A friend of mine worked at getting me a lot of the media gigs, because she works as a freelance book publicist. So that really helped. Everything else has been through the Net; I’ve had great word of mouth that way.

Char: As I mentioned above, I was very impressed by the balance of information and entertainment you maintained in Chasing the Gender Dream. How important is balance? How do you find that balance?

Thompson: Balance is very important to me. Just as I like my own life to be balanced, between rewarding work stuff and also a happy family life, I also wanted the book to be balanced. I wanted to include medical facts, and that’s why I interviewed doctors and did a lot of medical research. I also wanted to share the emotions and personal experiences of people, myself included, who went on a journey to achieve a "balanced" family, meaning one with both son and daughter. I wanted to show their stories. So I worked on getting their personal emotions, their reactions, their disappointments and successes. And of course I included mine. And it’s great to inform readers with the medical facts as well as to make the book interesting, something that reaches out and grabs you and says, This is what we went through! This is how badly we wanted it! I’m happy to see the balance appears to have worked.

Char: What tips can you share with writers interested in breaking into nonfiction and reference books?

Thompson: Keep pursuing your goals. That’s what I did. Don’t give up. I tried selling my story to national women’s magazines, and when there was no interest, I decided to try other avenues. I made it into a book, even when there were some naysayers out there. I worked with an agent for a while, but she didn’t think there was enough of a market for this book, so I broke off on my own and had the book published. I just kept persevering, and then worked hard at the book’s promotion, which has turned out to be just as big of a job as writing it!

Also, for nonfiction, it’s important to cover all bases, get as many sides of the story as possible in there, quote a lot of people. I learned this in newspaper article writing. So, even though this book definitely has a bias, my bias, and is not written in a typical reporter’s objective standpoint, I do try to include the controversial side of the subject and to get some of the opposition included in the book. I hope that lends me credibility. Also, it’s important to get all the facts straight, of course (I hope I did!). And give as much info as you can. That’s why I was always saving resources and contact information, to give readers an appendix of contacts. I was hoping to make the book as comprehensive as possible.

Char: Where can interested readers learn more about Jennifer Merrill Thompson? Where can we order a copy of Chasing the Gender Dream?

Thompson: Readers can learn more about me and my book at my website, www.genderselection.org. There they can see the book’s table of contents, see what media I’ve appeared in, and e-mail me if they have any questions. My e-mail address is included on the website. They can order Chasing the Gender Dream directly from my website or they can go to Amazon.com, Barnesandnoble.com, borders.com, booksamillion.com and other online booksellers. I also hope to get in the Barnes and Noble bookstores soon. But right now most of my sales have been through Amazon; it’s doing great there!

Char: Jennifer, thank you so much for taking the time to talk with us on Writers and Readers Network.